Apr 17, 2012
UNIVERSITY OF EXCELLENCE
WWW.UOFE.ORG
Prince Handley
President / Regent
HOW TO
DEAL WITH TENSION IN RELATIONSHIPS
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HOW TO
DEAL WITH TENSION IN
RELATIONSHIPS
Tension in relationships is NOT
bad. It is a "way mark" if handled correctly.
That is, it is a marker along the way to further
progress, an ensign for the strengthening of the
relationship.
There are four (4) types of
mentalities:
-
Survival
-
Contract
-
Traditional (family)
-
Covenant
In the
covenant
relationship, you are being
concerned MORE for the other
party. Dr. Livingstone, the great missionary to
Africa, reached many tribes for Christ that could not have been
reached otherwise by making a blood covenant with
them.
In such covenant relationships each party is telling the
other: "Whatever I have is yours if you need
it." Livingstone had a life threatening condition
that required him to drink goats' milk. Because of this, he would
keep a goat with him. One day, a tribal chieftain that had made a
blood covenant with Livingstone told him that he wanted his white
goat. That reminds me of the saying "Got your goat!" Knowing the
seriousness of this request, and the danger it could pose for
himself, Livingstone honored the request and gave the chieftain his
white goat.
Many of our problems appear in our
relationships with other people. Has anyone ever had problems with
you?
Moses was a problem solver; he was an intercessor. You can read
about his intercession and leadership through using prayer in
Numbers Chapter 14.
The FIRST thing to do when tension arises in
a relationship is to
PRAY.
Because there are problems in interpersonal relationships doesn't
mean you are sinning; for example, problems with family members. If
you are praying for the other person or people, if you are
forgiving, and if you are doing what the Holy Spirit is showing you
to do (which never contradicts scripture), then be at peace.
However, many people - and
some Christians - "stumble" in life because
they are proceeding in
darkness. Some Christians even experience lots of
sickness and repeated physical conditions . . . or even accidents .
. . because of this.
Our beloved brother John admonishes us in his writings as
follows:
"He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now.
He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him.
But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes." (1 John 2:9-11)
This is also why it is important NOT to cause trouble in a relationship between other people. The Bible says that one of the seven things that are an abomination to God, and that he hates, is the person "who causes discord among brethren." (Proverbs 6:19)
CAUTION:
If a person who
is NOT
in either a
traditional (family blood) relationship with
you or a covenant relationship with
you, comes to you and says something negatively
about, or brings charges against,
a person in your family or with whom you are
in relationship,
BEWARE!
Many families and relationships have been
injured by such people. Your first reaction / response should be as
follows: "I will consult with my relative or partner about this
(what you have told me) and then I will pray and take it to the
Lord."
Many people have received lies about their own family members or
partners while never having even asked about "the
other side of the story,"
or
WHY
the accusations have been made, or
even IF
they were true. My mother used to
say, "Blood is thicker than
water."
Moses led 3,000,000 people. In Numbers Chapter 14, Moses had just
finished asking – interceding - for God's mercy on Israel when
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram started their rebellion against him.
Korah was Moses' cousin and a member of the tribe of Levi in the
family of Aaron. (Numbers 16:3)
Notice five (5) processes in the life of
Moses in dealing with tension in relationships and solving
problems:
- Personal Prayer
- Confrontation
- Let God Fight for You
- Separate Yourself from Strife
- Intercede for Others
PERSONAL
PRAYER
In Numbers 16:4-7 notice that Moses positioned himself face down in
prayer. First, always PRAY and SEEK GOD'S WISDOM. Are you facing a
problem? Are you causing a problem?
Korah's complaint against Aaron was strictly a complaint against
God: it was not a complaint about qualifications, but against God's
order. This can often be a cause of spiritual impotence . . . and
of judgment . . . among churches, ministries, or families.
In 1 Corinthians 11: 3 we see God's order for the home:
"But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the
head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God."
It is NOT a matter of who is better than another, but rather of
order, so that love and power can flow unhindered from God: to
effect BLESSING upon the unit and upon the individuals of the unit.
In cases where an individual is NOT performing their duties . . .
for example, when a man is not being the spiritual leader of the
home, then God has ways to circumvent the hindrance so that
blessing will flow. This is where prayer and obedience come into
play by each member. PRAY, LISTEN, and OBEY!
CONFRONTATION
Dathan and Abiram were members of the tribe of Reuben, while Moses
was of the tribe of Levi. It was important for Moses to control his
anger. We are to approach people in God's wisdom
and love so they will receive BENEFIT of confrontation (which is an
alternative to unacceptable
behavior).
1. Pray for God's wisdom; and,
2. Follow up with appropriate confrontation.
Let people know, if it is possible,
that you are confronting them because you love
them and want the best for
them.
As parents, God tells us to correct without anger. We may have to
spank (use the rod, not the hand) at times, but we should
always, after the
discipline,
pray with our children and let them KNOW
they are FORGIVEN and
LOVED. God did NOT invent “time out.” “Time out”
has probably done more to make it hard for young people to honor,
hear from, and serve God than any other socially devised concept
during the ages. It is probably one of the major factors for the
increased number of teen pregnancies.
"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring
them up in the training and admonition of the LORD." (Ephesians
6:4)
LET
GOD FIGHT FOR
YOU
After you have first prayed and done what God has showed you to do
. . . then REST! We see two good examples of this in Exodus Chapter
14 and 2 Chronicles Chapter
20.
"Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today . . . the LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." (Exodus 13-14)
"Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's." (2 Chronicles 20:15)
We also see what happened to those who
rebelled against Moses and Aaron in Numbers 16:28-30.
Has God ever lost a battle? NO! Have you?
YES!
SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM
STRIFE
When you need deliverance, separate yourself from struggle . . .
and let God do a MIRACLE!
MENTALLY SEPARATE YOURSELF –
If you are thinking negative thoughts, separate yourself from these and renew your mind with the promises in God's Word.
PHYSICALLY SEPARATE YOURSELF –
You may have to separate yourself from either a SITUATION or a PERSON. In Exodus Chapter Two we read where Moses killed a man. He then spent 40 years in the wilderness of Midian, probably in the eastern part of the Sinai peninsula or northwestern Arabia. I, personally, have walked alone with 19 camels in that Sinai desert. There, under the tutelage of God, Moses learned how to control himself . . . and how to control a flock. After that, he became Israel's pastor for 40 years.
Think about YOUR lifestyle. You may have to separate yourself from ungodly relationships or counter productive relationships.
INTERCEDE FOR OTHERS
Six times Moses interceded for the lives of Israel. On one occasion, God told Moses that he would even wipe out the complaining Israelites and give Moses a NEW nation, greater and mightier than they, to start over. However, Moses interceded for the people and talked God into sparing them. (Numbers 14:11-24)
After the incident where God judged Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, the children of Israel went immediately back to complaining, and accused Moses of killing them. Because of this, another 14,700 people died. (Numbers 16:41)
Notice, "the children of Korah died not." (Numbers 26:11) Years later, we read about the children (descendants) of Korah being ministers in the tabernacle (1 Chronicles 9:19). They also wrote many Psalms. God had warned the people to depart from the rebels and get away from their tents before judgment fell. Evidently, someone in Korah's family made a quality decision.
There is a truth here: You may have to walk away from a relationship . . . or a relative . . . at some time in your life. But only do it after MUCH PRAYER, seeking God's will and not yours; and KNOWING it is what God wants at that time! It doesn't mean that you don't love them, or that you're not willing to help them. Read Genesis Chapter 13 and Mark 10:29.
Above all, never forget what Jesus promised you, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) And . . . always forgive! Forgiveness can save most relationships. God is our perfect model. In the Book of Hosea, God pictures Israel as a harlot gone away from her husband. After all the times Israel disobeyed God, as a disobedient wife, He still promises her a glorious future:
"I will betroth you to Me forever; yes I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in loving kindness and mercy; I will betroth you to me in faithfulness, and you shall know the LORD." (Hosea)
Baruch haba b'Shem Adonai.
Your friend,
Prince Handley
President / Regent
University of
Excellence
Podcast time: 15 minutes, 13 seconds.
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